Light into the Universe

“No one else has access to the world you carry around within yourself; you are its custodian and entrance. No one else can see the world the way you see it. No one else can feel your life the way you feel it. Thus it is impossible to ever compare two people because each stands on such different ground. When you compare yourself to others, you are inviting envy into your consciousness; it can be a dangerous and destructive guest.”  -- John O'Donohue

                       

In my line of work I am called into intense situations ranging from illness to death. For years the energy of the moments would follow me home, or add thoughts to an already over-busy mind. My family would notice my extra worry, remarking on my extra crankiness once home. When I discussed this with one of my mentors, she told me about the practice of Tonglen - a way to share loving kindness with those in need.

At first I wasn't sure how helping others would change my emotions, nor did I see any benefit to just "breathing in and breathing out." Along with that, it felt a little to "woo woo" for me, and I put it on the shelf for awhile.

Then I had my first mammogram after finding a lump on my chest.

As I sat in the waiting room, there were women of all ages around me. Some of them were missing a breast, others were wearing scarves, and a few seemed to be providing support. All of a sudden I realized that all of them were just as scared as I was - and we were all hoping to leave the office with good news.

So I started to send each of them loving kindness. With every breath in, I would inhale all the worry and fears in the room. As I exhaled, each woman received a piece of love and light. This went on for about 15 minutes, and it felt as if the room became lighter - more at peace - with each breath.

While I'm not sure what happened with the others, I walked out of that office with a diagnosis of "plugged duct," and went home to share the news with my husband. The entire experience made an impact, so I began studying as much about Tonglen as possible.

If you want to know more about Tonglen, please let me know, as it would be an honor to share it with you. First, however, please read this article from Lion's Roar. It will give you a good background on what Tonglen is, and how you can start using it in your daily life.

Breath in. Breath out.

Love,
keu/Yarn and Zen